Depression Burger Recipe

Depression Burger

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Fall

Fall brings cool weather, beautiful foliage, football, breezy runs and utter happiness. So much happiness I spend time wondering why and where it comes from. Nostalgia? I have wonderful memories from every season. Shouldn’t summers of inexhaustible heat and memories of endless days playing basketball bring the same happiness? Those were THE days. I should mention this feeling has gotten stronger since I’ve been on lexapro. The first week I took my medicine we were vacationing in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. It made me feel drowsy at first and put a hazy filter over my vision. But at least I knew something was happening. That doesn’t explain my love for fall. And I’m not complaining. A fall day outside my back doorstep is like a Snapchat filter. I get eager before going outside. Lacing my shoes and glancing through the rectangles of glass in the door. Stepping outside, I smell it. Not pumpkin spice. I inhale that indescribable smell and my lungs fill with happiness.

Muse

A poem written by my wife.

This poem was written by my wife

May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam

May sunshine and happiness surround you when you’re far from home

May you grow to be proud, dignified and true

And do unto others as you would have done to you

May good fortune be with you

May your guiding light be strong

And may you build a stairway to heaven all your life long

And when you finally fly away I’ll be hoping I served you well

For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose, I’ll be right beside you, win or lose

And in my heart you will remain my sweet little muse

Lexapro

Who will I be if I give you up?
Will I still be the person I am today?
What if I go back to the person I was?

Who will I be if I give you up?
I needed you at one point
Do I still?
I would have to give you up to know
Who will I be?
Will I still be the person I am today?
The person I want to be
If not, does that mean I’m dependent?
Dependent on you for happiness?
For energy?
Motivation?
I can’t just stop
I would have to wean myself
Even so, I’m scared
What if I go back to the person I was?
The person I don’t want to be
In the place I don’t want to be
You are just one weapon in my arsenal
Yet the one I choose most often to slay my demons
The one who prevents them from rising from the depths
If I lay you down, would the rest be enough?
I’m not sure I want to find out
And for what?
To prove therapy worked?
That I’m more patient?
More realistic when dealing with my emotions?
Is it worth it?
I don’t know
But it’s 10pm
Time to take my Lexapro