Who will I be if I give you up?
Will I still be the person I am today?
What if I go back to the person I was?

Who will I be if I give you up?
I needed you at one point
Do I still?
I would have to give you up to know
Who will I be?
Will I still be the person I am today?
The person I want to be
If not, does that mean I’m dependent?
Dependent on you for happiness?
For energy?
I can’t just stop
I would have to wean myself
Even so, I’m scared
What if I go back to the person I was?
The person I don’t want to be
In the place I don’t want to be
You are just one weapon in my arsenal
Yet the one I choose most often to slay my demons
The one who prevents them from rising from the depths
If I lay you down, would the rest be enough?
I’m not sure I want to find out
And for what?
To prove therapy worked?
That I’m more patient?
More realistic when dealing with my emotions?
Is it worth it?
I don’t know
But it’s 10pm
Time to take my Lexapro

Not My Dog

I did not feel like running this morning. I don’t know if it’s because my marathon is Saturday and I lack the motivation or excitement to do these last short, shakeout runs. Or if it’s because I’ve been having trouble waking in the morning. My lack of motivation is probably the reason I’ve had trouble getting up.

Just in case, I put my shorts on and ate breakfast. I usually don’t eat before a quick morning run, but figured it was a good idea since I didn’t get out the door immediately after rolling out of bed.

As always, I felt good when I finally put my shoes on. I was sluggish, but I got a surprise upon making it to the park. This guy was waiting for me.

Dog on sidewalk.
Not my dog.

He ran beside me through the park and followed behind on the sidewalk and greenway. I snapped this picture because I wasn’t sure how long he would hang around. Shortly after taking it I crossed the highway to the greenway. Luckily the road was clear because he trotted several feet behind me. I thought I lost him until I went to cross the highway back into my neighborhood. He popped out of the bushes, where I guess he’d been running alongside the creek.

In total, he stayed with me for two miles before tailing a couple of police officers on bikes pedaling the other way.

His companionship was one of those pleasant surprises. Had I not run, or even run earlier, I probably would have missed him. I forgot about my sluggishness and was slightly disappointed he left me for someone else. I thought what we had was serious. I wanted to introduce him to Laura.