Depression Burger Recipe

Lake Winnipesaukee

Fog obstructs my view

Is it rolling off the water

Or from my meds

Is it forming above the surface

Or behind my eyes

OCD or Anxiety

I’m thirsty

“Drink”

I just did

My cup is empty

“Fill it”

Walking to the fridge

Past the bookshelf

That one book is askew

“Straighten it”

It’s fine

Walk past

Walk back

Touch it

Pull back

It’s fine

Walking to fridge

Am I walking to fast?

Denial

How can something so severe be denied

An open wound ignored

Until it’s reflected on another

To deny help in the depths of a bottomless well

Ignoring the rope swinging toward you

For better or worse

Precipice of Loneliness

I finished season 1 of Thirteen Reasons Why and it’s the first screen adaptation that hit me harder than the novel. I binged the series because I couldn’t stop watching. I’d cut it off after a few episodes and inevitably give into the thoughts and cut it back on. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Credit to everyone involved with the show. I felt everything that was depicted, even the teenage angst. As vivid as my imagination can be when reading, rarely do I take on the characters’ emotions to the point I feel them in my chest or deep in the pit of my stomach.

I’ve never been suicidal, but I’ve lived through most of the emotions shown throughout the series (not just Hannah’s). I remember sitting on the floor thinking How did I get here? Why do I feel so empty? What is the word for pain so deep that sadness or anger won’t suffice? I said and thought dark things, but I never honestly considered taking my own life. Thirteen Reasons Why showed me how lonely it’s possible to be, even in this world where it’s hard to disconnect from anyone. ‘Lonely’ doesn’t do it justice.