Journal Entry: December 18, 2018

Day 2, we made it!

Day 2, we made it! I’ve felt fantastic the past couple of days. I cleaned a majority of the house Sunday and it didn’t even feel like a chore. I haven’t been smothering myself in thoughts. Make a decision and go with it.

We’re looking at selling our house. We bought ours for $80,000 and the house beside us sold for nearly $200,000. They are similar so we’re hoping to make a lot of money, buy land and a tiny house. All I need is wifi.

Most of my running lately has been easy, just biding time until it’s time to start training. Yesterday I went for 6.16 miles at a 10:38 pace.

Thoughts I Can’t Escape

A poem featuring some of my endless thoughts when my OCD and anxiety were worst.

Am I walking too fast?

I’m walking too fast

Slow down

That book is off-center

I stop. Leave it be. I walk.

It’s off-center. I backtrack. Leave it be. I walk

My glass is empty

I’m thirsty

Should I fill it?

I’ll wait till I get up

But I’m thirsty

Then fill it


Laura’s talking while I’m tracing door frames

Counting window panes

Typing in my head

The tips of my fingers twitching with every imaginary stroke

Windows down or air on?

Windows down or air on?

Same Number

I may not call. I may not text. But I keep the same number. To see what’s next.

I may not call

I may not text

But I keep the same number

To see what’s next


Several months pass

Where are you at

I keep the same number

In case you want to chat


If you don’t hear from me

Don’t think you’re forgotten

I just don’t have much to say


I don’t talk about myself

Or give my opinions

So if you hear me speak

Please stop and listen


When you’re talking to me

I’m not half-asleep

I’m worried about my lack of thoughts

They’re forming while I listen


Don’t give up on our conversation

I know it’s like pulling teeth

Getting words out of me

Is difficult, I see


I have stuff to say

But still, not a lot

I keep the same number

Hoping you’ll force me to talk