Football & Friends

I wasn’t awkward during the Super Bowl.

I’ve watched less and less football over the years. I usually don’t watch unless it’s the Titans or Vols. That said, I had no interest in watching the Super Bowl, but I’m glad I did.

A friend invited me to watch the game at his house and I spent the morning talking myself out of going. We hadn’t had a good morning and deciding not to go would have been easier. I wouldn’t have to think about going all day. I tried every excuse. I don’t care about the game. It starts so early. I don’t want to drive there. I don’t want to drive home. I don’t deserve to have fun. I’ll get pissed when the Patriots win.

I’m so glad I went. It was the first time in a year I hung out with two of my best friends. I wasn’t even awkward.

It was like we’d been talking every day for the past year. And the Patriots lost!

One other thing. I’m going to start drawing the featured images for my blog posts. Other than a select few, I hate searching for images. I can’t draw, but this seems like a fun idea at the moment.

As you’ve no doubt seen, I attempted a football helmet for this one. Going back to my last post, now I’m thinking about Hannah’s nickname for Clay.


Precipice of Loneliness

What is the word for pain so deep that sadness won’t suffice?

I finished season 1 of Thirteen Reasons Why and it’s the first screen adaptation that hit me harder than the novel. I binged the series because I couldn’t stop watching. I’d cut it off after a few episodes and inevitably give into the thoughts and cut it back on. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Credit to everyone involved with the show. I felt everything that was depicted, even the teenage angst. As vivid as my imagination can be when reading, rarely do I take on the characters’ emotions to the point I feel them in my chest or deep in the pit of my stomach.

I’ve never been suicidal, but I’ve lived through most of the emotions shown throughout the series (not just Hannah’s). I remember sitting on the floor thinking How did I get here? Why do I feel so empty? What is the word for pain so deep that sadness or anger won’t suffice? I said and thought dark things, but I never honestly considered taking my own life. Thirteen Reasons Why showed me how lonely it’s possible to be, even in this world where it’s hard to disconnect from anyone. ‘Lonely’ doesn’t do it justice.