Bible Translation: Genesis, Chapter 35

Stop acting like narcissism is just a millennial thing. God is the OG narcissist.

Stop acting like narcissism is just a millennial thing.

Then God told Jacob to move to Bethel. “Build an altar there to the God who appeared to you when you fled your brother.” (What a poorly veiled narcissistic statement.)

(Couldn’t find the top gif without the bottom)
So Jacob told everyone in his household to get rid of pagan idols, purify themselves and put on clean clothing. “We are moving to Bethel where I will build an altar to the God who has been with me wherever I have gone.”
They gave up all their pagan idols and Jacob buried them under the great tree near Shechem. As they left, God placed a terror on the people in the area, so no one attacked Jacob’s family. (What exactly is a terror?)

Soon after arriving in Bethel and building the altar, Rebekah’s old nurse, Deborah, died. She was buried beneath the “oak of weeping.”
God appeared and blessed Jacob. “Your name is changing from Jacob to Israel.” Not much of a blessing, considering all the steps it takes to legally change your name. Residency, evidence, petition, etc.
Then God performed the generic “great descendants, many nations” blessing.
Jacob set up a stone pillar to mark the place, then he poured wine over it and rubbed it with olive oil.

Rachel went into labor (who knew she was pregnant?) on the road to Ephrath. After birthing a son, she was about to die but named him with her dying breath. “Ben-oni,” which means “child of my sorrow.” The baby’s father called him Benjamin instead. Jacob buried Rachel on the side of the road and stuck a stone in the ground.
Reuben (no idea who this is) got Bilhah, his father’s concubine, pregnant. (Maybe Reuben is one of Jacob’s sons.) Apparently it was important enough to note that Jacob did know Reuben impregnated Bilhah.
Aha! Reuben was one of the twelve son’s of Jacob.
Jacob returned to his father, Isaac, in Mamre. Isaac died at 180. Jacob and Esau buried him.


Author: Arsenio Franklin

Writer & depressed house husband.

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