Bible Translation: Genesis, Chapter 9

Then God blessed Noah and his sons and told them, “Have lots of babies. Fill the earth. All animals will look on you with fear and terror. I have placed them in your power. I have given them to you for food, just as I have given you grain and veggies. But you must never eat any meat that still has the lifeblood in it.” (Does this mean raw meat or taking a bite out of a live deer? No wonder squirrels run from me. I don’t want to eat you!)
“And I will require the blood of anyone who takes another person’s life. If an animal kills a person, it must die. And anyone who murders a fellow human must die by human hands. Now go repopulate the earth. Chop chop!”
Then God told Noah and his sons, “I promise, never again will floodwaters kill all life and destroy the earth. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”
Then God said, “As a sign of my good faith, I give you the rainbow. When I send clouds, the rainbow will appear in them, and I will remember my promise.” (Alzheimer’s had taken its toll by this point.)
Everyone is a descendant of Noah’s three sons; Shem, Ham and Japheth.
Noah planted a vineyard after the flood. One day he dipped into his stash and got hammered, lying naked inside his tent. Ham saw his dad naked and told his brothers. Then Shem and Japheth took a robe into the tent and covered their father, looking away so they didn’t see his penis.
Noah woke hungover, raging after he learned that Ham saw his penis. Then he cursed Ham’s son, Canaan: “May he be the lowest of servants to his relatives. May God bless Shem and make Canaan his servant! May God give lots of land to Japheth and make Canaan his servant too!”
Noah died when he was 950.

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Bible Translation: Genesis, Chapter 5 & 6

ADAM HAD A LOT OF DESCENDANTS AND THEY ALL LIVED A VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME. For example, Adam died when he was 930 years old!
Important descendants of Adam: Enoch, whom God kidnapped. When Noah was born, his father, Lamech, said, “May he bring us relief from our work and the painful labor of farming this ground that the Lord has cursed.” That’s a lot to put on a newborn. By the time Noah was 500 years old, he was the father of Shem, Ham and Japheth.

Then the sons of God saw the beautiful women and took any they wanted as wives.

Then God said, “I can’t put up with humans much longer because they are mortal. From now on they will live no more than 120 years.”
There were giants in those days, called Nephilites. Nephilites were the grandchildren of God who became heroes and famous warriors.
God saw how wicked humans were and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was totally evil. So God regretted making humans. He was heartbroken. And God said, “I will destroy all humans. In fact, screw it all. I’ll destroy all living things. I’m sorry I ever made them.” But Noah was the teacher’s pet.

Noah was a righteous man, the only blameless person on earth at the time, and he was best friends with God.
God told Noah his plan to destroy everything because the world was filled with corruption.
God said, “Build a large boat from cypress wood and waterproof it with tar, inside and out. Then construct decks and stalls throughout its interior.” He gave him specific dimensions for the cruise ship.
“Look! I’m about to flood the earth to kill everything that breathes.” He reiterated, “Everything will die. 100 percent. But I will confirm my covenant with you. So take your wife, sons and daughters-in-law on the boat. Bring a pair of every kind of animal — a male and a female — on the boat to save. And be sure to bring enough food for your family and the animals.
Noah was great at following directions.