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Genesis Chapter 40 Translation

So, a cup-bearer and a baker have two dreams.

Joseph Interprets Two Dreams

Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer and chief baker pissed off their royal master, so he put them in the prison where Joseph was. The captain of the guard assigned Joseph to look after them.
The cup-bearer and baker each had a different dream on the same night. Joseph noticed they looked upset the next morning. “Why the sad faces?” he asked.
They replied “No one can tell us what our dreams mean.”
“Interpreting dreams is God’s business. Tell them to me.”
The chief cup-bearer went first. “I saw a grapevine in front of me. It had three branches that began to bud and blossom, and soon it produced clusters of ripe grapes. I was holding Pharaoh’s wine cup, so I took a cluster of grapes and squeezed the juice into the cup. Then I put it in Pharaoh’s hand.”
“Within three days Pharaoh will pardon you.”

Please do me a favor when you get out. Mention me to Pharaoh, so he might free me. I was kidnapped and don’t deserve to be here.”
The chief baker was hoping that his dream would also have a positive interpretation. “In my dream there were three baskets of white pastries stacked on my head. The top basket contained pastries for Pharaoh, but the birds ate them.” He should have known this was bad. Nothing good can come from losing Pharaoh’s pastries.
Joseph said “Three days from now Pharaoh will impale your body on a pole. Then birds will peck at your flesh.”


Pharaoh’s birthday came three days later and he prepared a banquet for his officials and staff. His chief cup-bearer and chief baker were also summoned. He restored the chief cup-bearer to his former position. But Pharaoh impaled the chief baker, just as Joseph had said he would. The chief cup-bearer forgot about Joseph and never spoke to Pharaoh about him.

What I’ve Learned From Being a Father

Patience, poop and tears.

  1. Carpet and babies don’t mix. Vomit. Spit-up. Pee. Poop. Food. We used to be so particular about keeping our carpets clean. Now we’ll clean them before we sell.
  2. The birth of my daughter is something I’ll never forget. You’re probably thinking “obviously,” but I literally remember everything. From the time my wife’s water broke on Thanksgiving morning to the day we brought her home. Every second is seared into my brain.
  3. Babies smell soooooo good. I would buy a baby scented candle. Gavi’s mouth smelled like a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips for the longest time.
  4. Everything you own will end up in your baby’s mouth. Whether it fits or not.
  5. Patience. Probably the #1 lesson learned. Your time is no longer just your time. She may feed for an hour. She may chew her bib between bites of food. Every time you turn on that show you really want to watch, she’ll scream. On the bright side, when your baby starts napping alone you’ll feel like a superhero with how much you can accomplish in 30 minutes.
  6. How hard being a mother is. Very. There are times when only a mother can soothe a baby. Whenever I think Gavi is being needy, I just think how demanding she is of Laura. If I’m exhausted, how is she feeling?
  7. There are levels to poops. Meconium. Breast milk poop is sweet, “some” would say it smells good. Once food is introduced, that’s when shit happens. And the prizes don’t stand a chance against a box of cereal. Paper bits. A panda ear made from modeling clay. Part of a leaf.
  8. Household items are more fun to play with than the toys you researched for hours and spent your money on. Honestly, what sounds better to you? “Designed with your baby’s development and motor skills in mind” or “No! Don’t touch that.”
  9. Your baby is only hurt if you act like it.
  10. A different type of love. I love her more every day. I could watch her do anything for hours. It really hits me when I’m holding her and feel her heartbeat.
  11. Time flies. I already knew this, but still. And it’s happening right before my eyes.
  12. Spend time with your significant other before the baby arrives. Stock up like a bear preparing for hibernation.
  13. Laundry isn’t a once-a-week chore. If she gets dirty, you’re dirty.
  14. I’d rather get punched in the face than see her cry.