Later, God spoke to Abram in a vision. “Don’t be afraid. I will protect you and your reward will be great.”
But Abram said, “Blah blah blah, O Great One, what good are your blessings when I don’t even have a son? Since you haven’t given me a child, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant, will inherit my wealth.”
Then God said, “Chill out. Your servant will not be your heir.” Then he took him outside and said “How many stars do you see?” When Abram got up to 3,789 stars, God said “Okay, okay. My point is, you’ll have a lot of descendants.”
Abram believed him.
Then God told him, “I’m the one who gave you all this land.”
But Abram replied “How can I trust you?” Make up your damn mind.
God said, “Bring me a 3-year-old heifer (a virgin cow), a 3-year-old female goat, a 3-year-old ram, a turtledove and a young pigeon.” Abram got them and killed them. Then he cut them in half and laid them side by side. However, he didn’t cut the birds in half. He chased away some vultures.
Abram fell asleep at sundown and a terrifying darkness came upon him. Then God said, “YOUR DESCENDANTS WILL BE SLAVES IN A FOREIGN LAND! But…I will punish the enslaving nation and your descendants will have great wealth. After four generations they will return to this land.”
Abram saw a smoking firepot and a flaming torch pass between the halves of the carcasses. God said “Your descendants’ land will stretch from Egypt to the Euphrates River.”
Arsenio Franklin 